PoetryGrrrl

“Solitude”, by PoetryGrrrl
Written 3-11-2010

I am no great beauty,
nor do I desire to be.
Neither am I a socialite,
or a drama queen.
I’m not really a joiner,
I am not “that kind of girl”
I’m not the type to receive gifts
like diamonds or strings of pearls.
Nor do I particularly want these things,
or assign them any intrinsic worth,
though from time to time I find myself
wondering which came first.
Was I different before I knew I was different?
Is this a “blessing” or a “curse”?
Was I always unusual, or has all this solitude
just made it more pronounced? Made it worse?
Often, when I speak, no one even hears.
Often, I’m quiet anyways, contemplating fears.
I have grown into such a skeptic,
I can’t seem to let down my guard.
But, often, months after the fact
I am vindicated in this regard.
Still, I can’t help but wonder,
if it is sometimes better to be
blissful, ignorant, open to danger
rather than safe and lonely, cynically?
Me, I’m the girl off in the corner
sitting by myself, oblivious, playing pretend
but if you take the time to get to know me,
you’ll find I’m a loyal and trustworthy friend.
I am opinionated and angry, yet very rarely mean,
and if you’re truly perceptive, you may agree
that your life would be boring and even incomplete
without me, and all of my eccentricities.
I am the girl your mother warned you about,
I will not be talked down to or be controlled.
I have done things you’ve probably never dreamed
despite losing this endless race against “getting too old”.
I’m also fat and godless, therefore a popular media target
for hatred and disdain, my better qualities often disregarded.
The size of my brain, in truth, larger than most,
yet not even considered by those who like to boast
that “only thin is healthy”, and “godless is not OK”;
both arguments devoid of basic human kindness,
championed by people who never think before they say.
Is being different from the prescribed “norm”
really such an unforgivable sin?
Or am I allowed to learn to someday be
comfortable in my own skin?
And I, for my part, while not always perfectly content
do not particularly desire to be desired, nor to be “in”,
nor a beauty queen, nor a teenager with perfect skin,
nor a super model, nor anything else that I can never be;
In truth, I am quite content just to be plain old me.

Original Poetry is © 2011 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved – no reproduction without my explicit permission.

Rippling on the water in the moonlight,
showing me my future, my past, and the current plight
opening the doors of perception, a private show
I walk the pathway to understanding all that I know.
I see reflections of things that hide only in shadows,
I hear echoes of thoughts better left unsaid
and all the questions left too long unanswered
that rattle around in my head;
These are the thoughts that haunt silences,
lonely hours, and the nighttime landscape;
they hide in shadows, waiting, hoping
to catch me alone and defenseless
so that they can pursue me
until I am panting, breathless;
once I reach safety, in the aftermath
I am still restless, but less reckless.

Original Poetry is © 2011 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved – no reproduction without my explicit permission.

Standing at the edge of time
looking forward
I can’t see far;
looking back,
I see far too much;
looking at the present,
I see myself looking
to the past and the future
and not concentrating enough on NOW.
Nothing will ever get done
if I don’t do it NOW!

==

endless, vast
far reaching blue
giver of life
cool breeze at my back
never enough time
to sit here in quiet contemplation
and watch the waves
and enjoy life.
But there is always time to
mindlessly watch TV
(I can’t remember what I watched though)
and to bury myself in endless computer games,
(What do I have to show for it in the end?)
to wait for unreliable people to remember me
(I’m not sure why I even bother)
to daydream and wish I was someone else
(Someone with all of the answers)
I could be all of the things that I dream
if I would just get up and do something

Original Poetry is © 2011 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved – no reproduction without my explicit permission.

Happiness is a big hug
laughter shared with a friend
a conversation over a cup of coffee
a good book that makes you think
singing along to your favorite song
the honest expression of love

Happiness cannot be bought,
nor can it be stolen, but
it can be found laying around
for free in unlikely places.

© 2017 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved

Sun kissed
sinsemilla dreams
and sugarplums dancing
just out of reach
soured sweet
and darkening sky
burnt offerings from past
goodbye.
Goodbye!

Original Poetry is © 2011 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved – no reproduction without my explicit permission.

072796 (full moon)

blue cast sky
solitary orb of madness
rolling through fog mists and
cloud castles
imagining deepest darkest dungeons
and escaping from them
into bright warm sunny
of castle courtyards
fair ladies strolling arm in arm
with brave young knights
blissful carefree
enchanted ramblings
ages gone and forgotten
but not by all-
some hearts still can see;
some ears still strain
to hear avonlea’s call;
some still work magick spells
and cast their warmth
upon the world –
in vain?
Not so long as there are dreamy eyes
to gaze upon the setting sun
and kindred spirits to dispel
even the darkest hour.

Original Poetry is © 2011 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved – no reproduction without my explicit permission.

Shining Bright
lacksidaisical whimsy flight
o’er treetops and through sunshine rays
poetry in motion, undying devotion
and feeling so utterly happy
grinning ear to ear through
pleasant waking dreams;
wondering, if you pinch,
will they be gone?
Each day, to be taken as it comes
no more self-torture is allowed
flitting between the pure innocent
and the other?
all things in time, even decisions!

Original Poetry is © 2011 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved – no reproduction without my explicit permission.

pressing confusion
striking delusion
I want the world
and I want it
NOW!

Now
is elusive
peeking around
corners and lurking
right behind every instance
staring me down
yet escapes me
… when?

Original Poetry is © 2011 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved – no reproduction without my explicit permission.

062996

insecurity and strangulation;
self-doubt chokes
ability to share with others, lost
replaced with the feeling
that I am sorely lacking
in all respects.
How do I “become”
good enough and
lose myself in normalcy?
where do you buy confidence?
can I get a bushel please,
and a side order of consistency
I don’t like it
when the world changes
before my eyes
I am afraid to walk, speak
make eye contact,
there is no stability in the universe I live in;
or maybe the world is constant,
and I am ever-changing?

Original Poetry is © 2011 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved – no reproduction without my explicit permission.