Solitude by PoetryGrrrl

Solitude by PoetryGrrrl

“Solitude”, by PoetryGrrrl
Written 3-11-2010

I am no great beauty,
nor do I desire to be.
Neither am I a socialite,
or a drama queen.
I’m not really a joiner,
I am not “that kind of girl”
I’m not the type to receive gifts
like diamonds or strings of pearls.
Nor do I particularly want these things,
or assign them any intrinsic worth,
though from time to time I find myself
wondering which came first.
Was I different before I knew I was different?
Is this a “blessing” or a “curse”?
Was I always unusual, or has all this solitude
just made it more pronounced? Made it worse?
Often, when I speak, no one even hears.
Often, I’m quiet anyways, contemplating fears.
I have grown into such a skeptic,
I can’t seem to let down my guard.
But, often, months after the fact
I am vindicated in this regard.
Still, I can’t help but wonder,
if it is sometimes better to be
blissful, ignorant, open to danger
rather than safe and lonely, cynically?
Me, I’m the girl off in the corner
sitting by myself, oblivious, playing pretend
but if you take the time to get to know me,
you’ll find I’m a loyal and trustworthy friend.
I am opinionated and angry, yet very rarely mean,
and if you’re truly perceptive, you may agree
that your life would be boring and even incomplete
without me, and all of my eccentricities.
I am the girl your mother warned you about,
I will not be talked down to or be controlled.
I have done things you’ve probably never dreamed
despite losing this endless race against “getting too old”.
I’m also fat and godless, therefore a popular media target
for hatred and disdain, my better qualities often disregarded.
The size of my brain, in truth, larger than most,
yet not even considered by those who like to boast
that “only thin is healthy”, and “godless is not OK”;
both arguments devoid of basic human kindness,
championed by people who never think before they say.
Is being different from the prescribed “norm”
really such an unforgivable sin?
Or am I allowed to learn to someday be
comfortable in my own skin?
And I, for my part, while not always perfectly content
do not particularly desire to be desired, nor to be “in”,
nor a beauty queen, nor a teenager with perfect skin,
nor a super model, nor anything else that I can never be;
In truth, I am quite content just to be plain old me.

Original Poetry is © 2011 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved – no reproduction without my explicit permission.

Reflections by PoetryGrrrl

Reflections by PoetryGrrrl

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Rippling on the water in the moonlight,
showing me my future, my past, and the current plight
opening the doors of perception, a private show
I walk the pathway to understanding all that I know.
I see reflections of things that hide only in shadows,
I hear echoes of thoughts better left unsaid
and all the questions left too long unanswered
that rattle around in my head;
These are the thoughts that haunt silences,
lonely hours, and the nighttime landscape;
they hide in shadows, waiting, hoping
to catch me alone and defenseless
so that they can pursue me
until I am panting, breathless;
once I reach safety, in the aftermath
I am still restless, but less reckless.

Original Poetry is © 2011 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved – no reproduction without my explicit permission.

Poetry that was written to me

This is a poem that a guy I used to work with wrote to me.  Funny old thing, life. We worked together for a couple of years, and he claims to have been watching me, but I don’t think he looked at me too closely. Not only did he say I was beautiful, but also, my eyes are definitely not blue.  The poem itself is lovely.

==

‘there’s something about PoetryGrrrl…
a snatch of ultraviolet against the sunset and rust’

The mark of Ansuz burning in your chest
The surface of your eyes and heart on fire
Your beauty blinds me with astral pains, my truth a lie
Stars shine black against an October amber sky

The morning that I saw you, I couldn’t sleep that night
My heart exploding like a moth caught in a nuclear flame
The way you walk, the way you smile, the way you wave to me
Your hand inviting thoughts – tragic denial

And when you toss your sunset hair
Across the full moon of your face
Antigone, you seem to be (you seem to me) a memory
A thousand times I tell myself

To look away, but my gaze stays
Mesmerized by soft blue eyes
Reflecting everything I’ve always dreamed I’d be

Quelque chose de
Quelque chose de
PoetryGrrrl, une bribe d’ultra-violet

Un jour chez les chevaux
De monte faits rouille, de coucher du soleil
PoetryGrrrl ultra-violet
Un jour chez les chevaux quelque part de monet faits en chouche du soleil

-My French

==

The following notes were also written with the poem he gave me, and were his own thoughts, typos and all.

==

I know it’s wrong to comment on your own poetry, but I feel in the mood. Antigone, as a four sylable name, is the name of a heroine of Greek tragedy. Antigone, as a three sylable word, is the symbol of obsession. Imagine, if you will, something that will not go away. Like a record stuck in your head. Camille Paglia believed that obsession is a natural part of what it means to be a male – and to be a nessesary component of genious. I certainly hope so. Anti-gone… that which never goes away. Obsession is the purest form of worship. It is not the desire to have anything that the person possesses – it is the desire to own the essence of that person themselves.

And me, am I obsessed? Poetry feeds on emotions. Emotions thrash around in the head, forming words, until they just -have- to get out. Poetry is the very language of obsession.

Ansuz is the fourth rune of the Nordic ‘Futhark’. In divination, Ansuz inspires you and makes you want to get on with the work at hand. To quote a website on runes – ‘Any time you experience anything that embodies real, down-to-earth goodness, whether it be a good meal, a good cup of coffee, a good book, or good sex, you can perceive in it something of the Norse Gods and the Ansuz Rune.’

Do it NOW by PoetryGrrrl

Do it NOW by PoetryGrrrl

Standing at the edge of time
looking forward
I can’t see far;
looking back,
I see far too much;
looking at the present,
I see myself looking
to the past and the future
and not concentrating enough on NOW.
Nothing will ever get done
if I don’t do it NOW!

==

endless, vast
far reaching blue
giver of life
cool breeze at my back
never enough time
to sit here in quiet contemplation
and watch the waves
and enjoy life.
But there is always time to
mindlessly watch TV
(I can’t remember what I watched though)
and to bury myself in endless computer games,
(What do I have to show for it in the end?)
to wait for unreliable people to remember me
(I’m not sure why I even bother)
to daydream and wish I was someone else
(Someone with all of the answers)
I could be all of the things that I dream
if I would just get up and do something

Original Poetry is © 2011 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved – no reproduction without my explicit permission.

Happiness by PoetryGrrrl

Happiness by PoetryGrrrl

Happiness is a big hug
laughter shared with a friend
a conversation over a cup of coffee
a good book that makes you think
singing along to your favorite song
the honest expression of love

Happiness cannot be bought,
nor can it be stolen, but
it can be found laying around
for free in unlikely places.

© 2017 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved

Goodbye by PoetryGrrrl

Goodbye by PoetryGrrrl

Sun kissed
sinsemilla dreams
and sugarplums dancing
just out of reach
soured sweet
and darkening sky
burnt offerings from past
goodbye.
Goodbye!

Original Poetry is © 2011 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved – no reproduction without my explicit permission.

Full Moon by PoetryGrrrl

Full Moon by PoetryGrrrl

072796 (full moon)

blue cast sky
solitary orb of madness
rolling through fog mists and
cloud castles
imagining deepest darkest dungeons
and escaping from them
into bright warm sunny
of castle courtyards
fair ladies strolling arm in arm
with brave young knights
blissful carefree
enchanted ramblings
ages gone and forgotten
but not by all-
some hearts still can see;
some ears still strain
to hear avonlea’s call;
some still work magick spells
and cast their warmth
upon the world –
in vain?
Not so long as there are dreamy eyes
to gaze upon the setting sun
and kindred spirits to dispel
even the darkest hour.

Original Poetry is © 2011 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved – no reproduction without my explicit permission.

Flight by PoetryGrrrl

Flight by PoetryGrrrl

Shining Bright
lacksidaisical whimsy flight
o’er treetops and through sunshine rays
poetry in motion, undying devotion
and feeling so utterly happy
grinning ear to ear through
pleasant waking dreams;
wondering, if you pinch,
will they be gone?
Each day, to be taken as it comes
no more self-torture is allowed
flitting between the pure innocent
and the other?
all things in time, even decisions!

Original Poetry is © 2011 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved – no reproduction without my explicit permission.

When? by PoetryGrrrl

When? by PoetryGrrrl

pressing confusion
striking delusion
I want the world
and I want it
NOW!

Now
is elusive
peeking around
corners and lurking
right behind every instance
staring me down
yet escapes me
… when?

Original Poetry is © 2011 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved – no reproduction without my explicit permission.

Insecurity by PoetryGrrrl

Insecurity by PoetryGrrrl

062996

insecurity and strangulation;
self-doubt chokes
ability to share with others, lost
replaced with the feeling
that I am sorely lacking
in all respects.
How do I “become”
good enough and
lose myself in normalcy?
where do you buy confidence?
can I get a bushel please,
and a side order of consistency
I don’t like it
when the world changes
before my eyes
I am afraid to walk, speak
make eye contact,
there is no stability in the universe I live in;
or maybe the world is constant,
and I am ever-changing?

Original Poetry is © 2011 PoetryGrrrl.com – all rights reserved – no reproduction without my explicit permission.

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